true confessions or sleeping with the enemy

 

or Why I Really Broke Up With the Boyfriend, just in case I led you to think otherwise in the previous post

 

 

The upheaval in my life in the past year has been tremendous. The transition from married suburbanite to a single, self-sufficient woman in an unfamiliar town has found me crying in airports, has rendered me sleepless, has made me look at myself and others with confusion and conflict. Paradise aside, this has not been easy. I tap into courage and resolve on a daily basis, and as I peel away the dead layers, as intentions become more clear, I am addressing the elephant in my recovery-room—the fact that I’ve been sleeping with the enemy for years, living a lie, keeping as lover my right-wing, political-polar-opposite. I could pretend it didn’t matter before Trump, that our romantic love would save us—but divisive now stands directly between us, a tremendous source of anxiety, our love-making an image of whoreish behavior that I am ashamed of. I cannot be aligned with both my lover and myself. I believe it is in part why I have aggressively posted anti-trump cartoons, articles, etc., on facebook and elsewhere—to compensate for my hypocrisy.

I’ve said good-bye on my terms; with love, with concern, with an understanding of how important this person is, but with the same resolve that got me to Key West in the first place. This is a moving on post, an “enough of the whining” post. I can breathe.

 

photo credit: tumblr

 

4 thoughts on “true confessions or sleeping with the enemy”

  1. There are a lot of game changers out there, sounds painful, but soooo promising! They call me the optimist at school! Love hard, Pam, that’s how I remember you!~

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