anne morrow lindbergh, shedding and change – version 2

I recently received a lovely note from a dear friend thanking me for my sending her Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea, a book I have treasured since I received it as a gift in 2003. I try to re-read this book every couple of years (it’s that good) but it became of particular importance when I moved to Key West.

My friend writes: “You were in my thoughts as she talked about shedding, simplicity, and islands of solitude as you took the courageous step of doing it all at once.”

“Perhaps middle age is, or should be, a period of shedding shells; the shell of ambition, the shell of material accumulations and possessions, the shell of the ego. Perhaps one can shed at this stage in life as one sheds in beach-living; one’s pride, one’s false ambitions, one’s mask, one’s armor. Was that armor not put on to protect one from the competitive world? If one ceases to compete, does one need it? Perhaps one can at last in middle ago, if not earlier, be completely oneself. And what a liberation that would be.”  –Anne Morrow Lindbergh

My shedding experience was indeed courageous. It was radical. I shed a car and a marriage a very large house to live small in a very remote place; a move that was researched, but sealed by emotion and intuition. I have never had much ambition so the shedding of such behavior was not an issue. And shedding the shells of accumulation and possession is not as difficult as many think. I have fond and loving memories of people and places with only a handful of framed faces and souvenirs, my love is no less with fewer objects, my lifestyle is in no way compromised because I only have five vases instead of fifteen. Lindbergh writes:

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can only collect a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few. One moon shell is more impressive than three. There is only one moon in the sky. One double-sunrise is an event; six are a succession, like a week of school days. Gradually one discards and keeps just the perfect specimen, not necessarily a rare shell, but a perfect one of its kind. One sets it apart by itself, ringed around by space—like an island.

For it is only framed in space that beauty blooms. Only in space are events and objects and people unique and significant—and therefore beautiful.

The shedding of a marriage (and car!) is a topic of its own, an act that rattled the ego something fierce and peeling away the shell of ego is a work in progress. I take tremendous ownership regarding my actions, a pride that borders on cockiness, and I often find that I am bloated with self, judgmental and vain. But living alone requires others, a community of workers, comforting shoulders, and while I sometimes think that I can do just about anything, I am humbled by the understanding of how limited I am. I laid down the mask and armor. It is beyond liberating; it’s the birth of a full-grown woman.

My friend continues: “A change is upon me and have been meditating on allowing it to flow. I often think about On the Edge of Old, and realize I might have gone over it. Feeling healthy and bright most of the time and a change is afoot.”

Change, change, change; the buzzword of the 60-something set (and I feel the need to note that I am talking about elective change, not change forced upon one). Again, I take great ownership regarding this subject and I’m offended by all the memes and platitudes one sees on Facebook that minimize change to a few pithy words or some celebrity’s spin on life. You want change? Prepare to work. While I fully support mediation and the natural flow of the cosmos, change will not wash over you like a spring of warm water. Change only comes with courage and action, with tears and hard work, loneliness and doubt, with getting up every ding-dong day and doing some dumb-ass task that moves you closer to the change you envision. And therein lies the real problem—identifying what you want that change to be. Determining the source of our discontent is often difficult, and meditation could only help.

I was able to identify change through my work with the amazing Laura Oliver of St. John’s College. In one of Laura’s classes, she asked us to write a paragraph of 250 words under the prompt of, “I want …“  This was not to be a list but prose, a meaningful and thoughtful look inside, as in, “I want to live by the water for it soothes my soul, it makes me feel maternal and strong” and/or “I want to be free of my body as burden, to be light and mobile and healthy.” While this was a writing exercise, it became my manifesto; my wants on paper were simple, pure and attainable, the brevity of the writing made it manageable, made it so only the important wants shone brightly. “One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can only collect a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few.”

But sometimes … as you mull and moan over what it is you want to do, as you sort through your needs and wants, serendipity steps into the mix and bam, you’re slapped in the face with if-not-now-then-when? Weeks after receiving the thank you note from my friend, an offer was made and accepted on the sale of her house, a sale that she was only beginning to investigate, the house not even listed. Courage rumbled up her spine and she jumped, unsure as to where she would land, yet a fledgling with the most marvelous view of the entire world below. Sometimes … if you are one of the lucky, you know what to do–you embrace the change. And you begin to fly.

To dvd: “Standing on the edge of old, she wanted to be startled at every turn.” – pn


Apologies for the in-your-face marketing, the only link I was able to successfully place is this monster below.

courage, courage, courage

An elaboration on my previous post, The Thing I Hate Most in this World

 

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(please check photo credit)

 

 

We all think about change at some point, we all understand the potential behind it. We certainly know what desperation feels like, when change marches front and center—when your best, fucking, black slacks won’t zip up anymore, when you get into bed and your sleep-time mantra is “not one more day with this man,” or “not one more day in this job.” We’ve all read the “change quotes” on facebook and sighed “if only,” and I suppose there have been instances where the quote has inspired someone to action, where the words delivered the punch needed. But lasting and meaningful change is not one-dimensional, and does not come from words pasted onto a picture of a sunrise. The cutesy quote that prompted you to throw out all the ice cream will most likely be a distant memory as you stand in the holiday buffet line. The quote you read, the resolution you made to better yourself, your life, is probably sitting at the very bottom of the facebook feed, along with a dozen such messages meant to inspire.

So, what is it, what turns desperation in action, what do we tap into for lasting and meaningful change? Courage. Courage from the gut, not from Maya Angelou or Erica Jong, or from any other facebook heroine. Courage, courage, courage. And not courage in the sense of overcoming fear; forget fear, take it out of the change equation. It’s not about overcoming anything—it’s about bringing to the surface that which already lies within. The courage to begin, to imagine, to explore, to move, and the courage to continue, especially when all hope and strength seem to have disappeared. It’s about putting on your wonder woman suit every fucking day. Suiting up not just to battle your demons, but to also hold those demons at bay. Suiting up when you don’t want to, suiting up to remind yourself of your mighty strength and awesome purpose.

All efforts towards enacting change are positive and admirable, and whatever it is that prompts you to move is valuable. But when desperation and pain scream at you do something real and lasting, don’t count on the words of someone famous. Change comes from courage, and that comes from no one but you.

 

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photo credit: 1st photo, the most offensive change quote I could find, came from quotestack / 2nd photo, lynda carter, came from pinterest