on disappointment

 

emojipedia_org (2)

 

I have always struggled with disappointment, that wave of let-down and dispiritedness. I find it terrible to digest and forgiveness a long time coming, to the point where I can find myself sitting and steaming in self-pity. I know that everyone in my circle of friends and family will eventually disappoint me–husband, children, girlfriends, boyfriends—and I have undoubtedly disappointed myself. In a way, I expect disappointment from my husband and children, a built-in emotion of family life, like love or anger, and because I know disappointment in a family member will eventually surface, it’s a little bit easier to swallow, easier to move away from. And I also expect disappointment in myself—I know I will fuck up time and time again, it’s growth, it’s learning, I hopefully will disappoint myself less as I mature. But disappointment in friends, in my girlfriends, is very, very hard for me to accept and get over. They are the ones I look to to soothe the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations, not the ones to deliver the blow. Girls should not disappoint girls—but they do, all the time, and I really need to buck up.

So, in trying to understand disappointment, I researched some and found mostly articles that were all so zen—you know, tiny buddha stuff, let it out, acceptance, breathe, etc. The quotes served me a little bit better – I wasn’t so much looking for a way out of disappointment (I get that), I wanted some understanding as to how I got here in the first place. Maybe a good place to start is to stop thinking that others should think and behave as I would or do. Hmmm…

 

 

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”  – Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper


“It was one of those times you feel a sense of loss, even though you didn’t have something in the first place. I guess that’s what disappointment is- a sense of loss for something you never had.” – Deb Caletti, The Nature of Jade


“Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy – the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.” – Eric Hoffer


“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”  – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


“Disappointment

Can do a couple things.
It can drop you into a giant
sucking sinkhole of

depression,

a place you have to fight
to climb out of. Or it
can trigger an epic

mania

to overcome the odds
and transform failure
into success. Say you

swing

as high as the chains will
take you because you seek
the thrill of flight, and on the

up-

kick, you lose your seat.
Injury is likely. But if you
worry about falling

down,

and never chance “up,”
the sky will remain
forever out of reach.”  – Ellen Hopkins

 

 

photo credit: emojipedia.org     There seems to be some disagreement as to whether or not this is a “disappointment” emoji–I saw it dubbed as “confusion” or “boredom” as well. I liked it because it didn’t have tears—I don’t feel like crying, I’m just disappointed.

 

 

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